Single Pro Football Team Seeks Players

Are you old? washed up? no good? will no other team have you? WE WILL! We are the Oakland Raiders where NFL careers go to die. If you have no where to go then why not consider a future with the Raiders? It's the next step before you retire so why not run through the motions in beautiful Oakland California? We'll even set you up in your own locker and you'll get your very own gear once we tear off the "Jamarcus Russell" off of it. You'll meet a slew of former Pro-Bowlers so c'mon down and join the team. Might as well...we couldn't possibly suck any worse.

Me on the Simpsons

Yea so here I am after leaving the Kwiki Mart

Flintstones Raging Bull

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Drunk Astronaut

Apparently NASA has come out and said that they allowed an astronaut who had been drinking to fly the space shuttle. Now if I were lucky enough to make it all the way to an actual space voyage you bet your ass once I'm there I'm getting drunk. Why? because at zero gravity you can suck beer blobs out of the air...that'd be cool. Secondly because I'd be trying to score, I mean how many people can say they've done it in space? Thirdly, why not? what are you going to hit in space? Seeing as how you're in space what are they going to do fire you? If you ask me a little drink before a launch sounds great. What better way to take off the edge of what could be the last trip of your life, besides you may as well drink I mean when will you ever go back to space?

The Beckhams

Dude, I'm just a simple man with a handful o' brains but I do know one thing for certain. Americans hate soccer. Unless you're a kid or the parent of a kid grade 3-12 then you have no interest in soccer. I will admit I did kind of get into the World Cup but only because it is a worldwide competition like the olympics. Other than that Americans hate soccer. It doesn't matter if you pay David Beckham or Doodie McGee all the money on earth, no one is going to watch it. I know one MLS team the LA Galaxy that's it. I know one player, David Beckham. I'm more interested in his smoking hot wife than I am him. By the way I love chicks who wear impossibly high heels, are married to rich athletes, and used to be in international supergirl groups. As a matter of fact I watched about 20minutes of her reality show which I know will be more than I watch of any Beckham game. I have seen some clips of the guy and he does seem to dominate a sport that is hard for one man to dominate which makes me wonder...how mad are all those Euro's that we just ganked their greatest sports hero ever?

Bout Damn Time

To Potter or not to Potter?

I know millions love Harry Potter and his pals but I gotta tell ya, I'm not one of them. Sure I watch the movies when they are released on dvd but even then it's because my kid wants to. I never read the books so maybe I'm missing the boat or maybe I just don't get it. Lil' wizards going to school to learn lil' wizard tricks n' shit, yea it was a cool idea the first time but now it's time for Harry & his pals to start magic'n up some beer & strippers. I mean what good is wizardry if you can't get yourself a hottie or a pimped out ride( F that broom) How come Harry never sins not even a little? Isn't it about time he got his own pad? He runs with that huge bearded fuck, matter of fact... first order of business Potter help that apeman out with a good looking potion or some crap. The main bad dude is lame whatever his name we shall not type, I'd be more interested in a triple threat match with Potter, the red headed mook, and the hot lesbian friend they have. Until that happens I'll stick to Dragonslayer and Lord o' the Rings for my Wizard fix.

Jackoff

Ichiro

This is one fast little bastard. What a badass.

Transformers

So I just got back from seeing Transformers. I have to say it was pretty kick-ass. The best of the summer blockbusters so far. It was no Gone With the Wind but as far as a cool action packed summer movie it gets an A+ from me. The Autobots looked real to me not computer generated. Hearing Optimus Prime's voice again was cool. Shia LaBeouf has me convinced that he's the next big thing what a great job he did in this flick. The hot chick was hot. The story gets a little hokey but we are talking about alien robots that change into cars here. The new Camaro is so f'n sweet I can't wait to not be able to afford one. Lots of robot on robot violence, lots of city-wide destruction (who pays for that? Joe taxpayer that's who! thanks for nothin' Autobots!), lots of transforming, a robot body count! yes, robots die in this, and surprisingly a lot of funny moments. I took my kid with me and she loved it once she got over the fact that we weren't there to see Ratatouille ( worst movie name ever) I'm glad an old TV remake was finally good for once (see Dukes of Hazzard) and I look forward to any sequels that may be coming soon, so long as they don't suck. (see Caddyshack II)